Emotional Embuffination Book
If you're brand new to the concept of Emotional Embuffination, I highly recommend checking out the Emotional Embuffination book which provides a comprehensive look at basic conflict resolution and empowerment principles. The book is available on Audible, print, or in e-book formats. Learn more HERE.
If you're feeling stuck in life, or unsure of how to progress, figuring out where to start can feel completely overwhelming. But it doesn't have to be. Indeed it's really simple.
This page is designed to serve as a possible starting point. If we want to create change in our lives, there are two things we need to understand:
(1) where we want to go/what we want to become; and
(2) how we can incorporate habits that will get us to that place.
(1) Where Do You Want to Go?
The first step is to identify what you want to accomplish in your life. In other words, what is your purpose?
It's important that this be a goal that's emotionally important to you. I strongly recommend drilling down several layers deep to really be sure you know what you're hunting for.
As an example, if you were to say something like, "I really want to write 3 blog posts a week," this begs the question, "why?" Most of us don't actually want to write blog posts for the sake of writing blog posts. It's a means to some other end. So drill down deeper and say, "why do I want to write those blog posts?" And then ask why do you want that? Go down a bare minimum of 3 times (but ideally 7) in deciding what your purpose is so that you at least have a clear understanding of what you want and why you want it. Once you've done that, pick what your goal is by synthesizing what you see in that list.
Your goal can be anything, it just has to be personal to you. It could be about weight loss. It could be about relationships. It could be about making yourself feel more empowered or confident.
(2) Develop Success Habits
Once you know what you want in life think about the steps that can take you towards your goals. What are those steps? If you aren't sure of what to do, this site is filled with all sorts of ideas to take you there. There's also a non-exclusive list of ideas listed below. I suggest picking one every month or two and making it a part of your routine. Then pick another and make it a part of your daily life. Then another, and so on.
For example, if your goal is to lose weight, you might start by cutting out soda from your diet. Make that a habit for a while. Then start limiting your cookie intake. Then start working out lightly. And so on. If you try too many goals at once, your system will feel shocked and you'll potentially slingshot back to where you don't want to be. Pick a thing at a time and make gradual changes.
Most importantly, never stop the process of growing. Make it a habit to continually grow and learn such that you never stop moving closer and closer to the goal you want.
A Word About Limiting Beliefs
One of the most common models I've heard was the idea of finding and eliminating limiting beliefs. The theory goes that there are all sorts of subconscious beliefs that sabotage our progress without us knowing it.
Limiting beliefs are generally subconscious thoughts that we’ve developed over our lifetimes to protect us. They can be learned through our parents’ attitudes, through seeing others hurt, or through experiencing trauma ourselves. Once in place, they serve as a force that holds us back from getting to the goal(s) we want. They’re usually designed to protect us from harm, but frequently bar us from accomplishing our goals. This is true even if we’re outwardly saying and doing positive things that should otherwise make us successful.
For example, I might consciously think I want financial success. I keep saying I want to become a millionaire, but every time I have opportunities to make money, feelings of unworthiness surface and cause me to turn down those opportunities. The assumption, then, is that if I can identify my limiting beliefs, I'm able to counter them and implement a better model.
The problem is that once we identify what a limiting belief is, we frequently label ourselves with that limiting belief. In other words, I associate myself with the limiting belief I've identified. If I'm wrong, and there wasn't a limiting belief there before, I've essentially created a limiting belief. In contrast, if I'm right and I've correctly identified the limiting belief, I've now reinforced its power by giving it a ton of attention and mental focus.
This may sound overly simplistic, but a powerful back-door around limiting beliefs is to not give them attention. Don't reinforce them. Don't identify them. Just do the thing that's necessary to get to the place you want to go. Don't tell yourself you're bad at making money. Just go figure out how to make money. Don't tell yourself you have an illness. Just find out how to be healthy.
This is not to say you should ignore problems nor is it to say that limiting beliefs don't have power over you. It's a function of focus. Law of attraction principles fixate on what you want, not on what you don't want. So you don't say, "I'm becoming less sick." Rather you say, "I'm becoming healthier and healthier." Your focus shifts to the positive state. Limiting beliefs are the same.
The way you do each of those things is listed in the two-step process above. Figure out what you want or where you want to go. Then identify and follow steps to get you there.
Once you've gone through this process and have identified some new habits to incorporate you should periodically re-assess and see if you can identify new habits to incorporate.
If you constantly repeat this process, you'll grow more emotionally embuffed and soon be able to handle conflict like you never could before.
If you've made a lot of individual changes in your life but never see a difference in things, it's easy to get frustrated. It's like there's an invisible wall that doesn't allow you to get through and you feel like you've tried everything.
Part of the problem is that a lot of goals are more complex than just the introduction of a single new idea. Imagine building a computer. You might correctly set up your monitor, have a power source that's properly transferring power, have your motherboard set up properly, and have a keyboard functioning correctly. But one malfunctioning microchip could cause the rest of the device to not properly activate.
Many of our problems are the same. You might be doing a lot of things right, but still not be seeing results if the issue is more complex than one independent variable.
That means a few things. First, if you feel like you've tried everything and you're still not getting what you want, remind yourself not to give up. You may well be really close to finding the one or two additional factors that push you into success.
Second, it's critical you keep learning and incorporating new ideas. Read, get other people's perspectives, get coaching, take classes, attend masterminds, or do whatever you need to to make yourself level up and finally get what you've been trying to accomplish.
The list below is designed to give you some possible ideas on things you can work on. It's not exclusive. Note, it's categorized in the same way the What's Right With Me Checklist is set up (available for download on the Home page).
- Schedule daily time for reading.
- Review biographies or autobiographies of people you admire.
- Schedule time to listen to audio books (growth-oriented or biographies).
- Listen to growth-oriented materials while working out.
- Listen to growth-oriented materials while driving.
- Set alarms on the calendar in your phone with mantras or affirmational statements.
- Create and wear motivational or affirmational bracelets.
- Write messages to yourself on your bathroom mirror with dry erase marker.
- Create and recite a mantra.
- Establish a meditation routine.
- Identify something that scares you but is good for you...and do it.
- Make yourself smile each day.
- Make yourself laugh each day.
- Get someone else to smile each day.
- Get someone else to laugh each day.
- Confront and take action to temper your addiction(s).
- Pay for the order of the person behind you in line at a drive-through.
- Tell someone you're grateful for something they did or are.
- Volunteer somewhere to help others.
- Analyze your anger to understand what's causing it. Then act to change things.
- Avoid venting when you feel negative.
- Avoid suppressing negative emotions.
- Practice acceptance of negative emotions.
- Establish a daily routine and make sure you're following it.
- Iron or steam your clothes the night before you get up.
- Fill your car with gas the night before you get up.
- Learn to object, speak up, or stand up for yourself when it's necessary.
- Learn not to object, speak up, or stand up for yourself when it's going to create unnecessary conflict.
- Redecorate your office/work space.
- Redecorate your home/living space.
- Cut or minimize a toxic person's influence on you.
- Start attending a mastermind.
- Join a group focused on positive things (focused on success, entrepreneurs, nutrition, working out, etc.).
- Attend networking events.
- Come up with a positive thing every day to do for a family member and do it.
- Put cards or love notes in the bag/lunchbox of your spouse/significant other and/or kids.
- Create and stick to a calendar for all your daily activities.
- Stop listening to music with lyrics that are dark or have negative messages.
- Stop watching the news.
- Eliminate t.v. or movies with negative messages or dark themes.
- Schedule visits to places with high positive energy (e.g. concerts).
- Schedule date nights with your significant other.
- Make your bed.
- Fill your house with healthy food; throw junk food out of your house.
- Start working out or getting some kind of exercise.
- Find a way to improve your workout routine.
- Increase the number of times you're working out.
- Cut or reduce your alcohol consumption.
- Cut or reduce your soda consumption.
- Cut or reduce your sugar consumption.
- Cut or reduce your carb consumption.
- Learn about nutrition.
- Check your hormone levels.
- Go to bed earlier.
- Eliminate blue light from your room at night.
- Eliminate ambient light from your room at night.
- Make your room colder.
- Don't use tablets, television, or phone screens right before bed.
- Eliminate caffeine in the later part of the day.
- Schedule rest and recovery time.
My Reality Generator
Want some more ideas? Check out My Reality Generator a guided journal filled with empowerment and law of attraction concepts. The journal contains prompts and free-writing sections. Learn more HERE.